I have a date!

So, the inaugural blog post. This is a little scary - putting information out into the world with no idea who may read it!

As I explained in the 'About Me' section, I made the decision a few months ago to undergo a double mastectomy and reconstruction and I now have a date for the operation in mid November. This is a purely preventative measure, which will reduce significantly the risk of a new tumour developing in either of my breasts later in life. For various reasons, the doctors do not advise implants in my case, so once the breast tissue has been removed, new breasts will be reconstructed by the plastic surgeons using tissue from my stomach. More scars, a more difficult recovery, but hey - a tummy tuck! Every cloud has a silver lining and - as someone who never really lost the baby weight and perhaps tends to over-indulge in the never-ending supply of birthday cakes in the office (whilst under-indulging in exercise) - this idea is not without its appeal.  

On a more serious note, I am all to aware that I have - unilaterally and voluntarily - chosen to have major surgery. An operation lasting between 8-10 hours, a week's stay in hospital and at least 6-8 weeks recovery. This is not a decision to be taken lightly. It is certainly true that it is an emotive subject, as demonstrated by the recent media coverage of Angelina Jolie's similar operation.  I have seen several comments on social media, mainly by holistic beauty practitioners, expressing huge anger about Angelina's decision to 'maim' herself, claiming that there was no scientific justification for such a step and that it would encourage others to do the same - thereby 'destroying' the bodies that nature gave them.  For others I have met, this kind of a decision is a 'no-brainer'; if there is a way of significantly reducing someone's chances of a potentially life-threatening illness, then why wouldn't you grab it with both hands?

I agree that Angelina's revelation is likely to encourage people to think about preventative surgery (and possibly lead them to request it when there is no real need - see Professor Mokbel's comments in the Evening Standard a few days ago), but it also gives women with a genetic predisposition to breast cancer who are being offered surgery, some comfort that it won't necessarily mean a radically altered physical appearance, as well as potentially giving them that greater peace of mind they crave. Angelina is a beautiful woman who relies on her appearance to further her career; the fact that she was prepared to have her breasts removed entirely and reconstructed demonstrates, in my view, both her sensible view of her own reality and her confidence in the medical profession.

For me, it is simply a matter of trying to take control of my own destiny. Even though all my screening since the cancer has been clear, there is still a small black cloud of anxiety following me around, leading to thoughts such as 'What if it comes back?' and 'I won't be so lucky next time'.  Whilst not completely obliterating the risk, this operation will reduce my risk of a new cancer by 90% and, given that the doctors estimate my chance of recurrence at 60% without the surgery, the numbers speak for themselves.  On a less scientific note, I am fairly young, with what I hope will be a long and happy life in front of me. I have a husband who I love dearly and a son who is my greatest joy. I want to be around to watch my son grow up, relishing in each stage of his development and showing him how wonderful the world is - in short, I want to be his mother. I have a list of places I want to visit, restaurants I want to try, goals I want to achieve.  I don't want to spend time worrying about the future, or in the worst case scenario dealing with cancer again (and I certainly wouldn't get away so lightly next time).

The decision wasn't easy, as a major operation is never an attractive prospect, but now I feel sure it is the right route for me and I am lucky to have the unflinching support of my family and friends behind me every step of the way. Watch this space!